i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The adults are the big ones right?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
