I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
