Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
