Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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