she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
