He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
