If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
