my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
