I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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