i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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