Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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