If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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