I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
