Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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