Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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