I think my fart just growled at me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
