The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Small penises have feelings too.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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