evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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