I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
