Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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