erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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