apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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