matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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