Everything about him screamed your future.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit