He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.