Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
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I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later