She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again