2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This baby is an asshole
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl