I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.