My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.