Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
