Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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