Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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