make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
