She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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