Did you just see the Batmobile???
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
