Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
