I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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