You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
