I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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