K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was born a porn star she said
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
