Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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