you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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