I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
