I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
