McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
