I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
