Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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