Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
