He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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