1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
