Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Randomize
