I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
