I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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