i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
