At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
