He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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