My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
