i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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