Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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