Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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