I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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