So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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