i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
