nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
