Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
