she looked like the before picture.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
