She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
