You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
