I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
vagina is talking i cant
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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