His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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