That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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