So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
