You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
