Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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