Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
