my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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