yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
