literally had 100 drinks last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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