it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
