I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
