why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
