its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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