i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
