I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
