I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
