even my farts smell like vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
