it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
