I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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