...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
zippers are such a cool invention
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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