he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
